I am super excited to say that I have completed the Metaphysical Apprenticeship portion of my website and am now available to take on whatever the powers that be have to deliver to me in this regard. My work as a Metaphysicist has been most rewarding, firstly, in my own life as I witness in awe and wonder the miracles of the Universe, and secondly, in the lives of others as I share my knowledge in a way that allows them to also witness in awe and wonder the miracles of the Universe! The Metaphysical Apprenticeship is a big commitment, financially, a commitment of time, but mostly a commitment of courage and open-mindedness as we take the chance of stepping into the unknown together. I know for myself that the energies to be found there can be overwhelming and sometimes terrifying, but the rewards have been beyond what I can even express here as I continue to watch my life expand into a delightful game of consciousness that consistently delivers It's promise of Love and Magick in an awesomely beautiful and profound way. Follow the link to view my apprenticeship page.
http://www.bluedragonmedicine.com/metaphysical-apprenticeship.html
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so thrilled one of my paintings will be displayed in this year's Cosm journal of visionary culture !!
So I'm not really thrilled about this topic and have actually been avoiding it for the last five years since I experienced severe cyber bullying. Although I had experienced cyber bullying before this and actually produced a musical called; "I Survived the Deletion", it wasn't until this incident that I felt there was truly an intent to harm, and because I have been avoiding it harm has happened via my denial; emotionally and psychologically, challenging my self esteem, which is why I am finally choosing to write about it now. Perhaps rather than something to bury and forget about, it can be something for others to learn from to avoid making the same devastating mistakes as I did. I used to have much more flare and creative expression through my internet personality but because of this incident I have felt ashamed to fully express myself since, and I don't want myself or anyone else to have to feel that way.
This is a great message for young women or women of any age who suffer self esteem issues and are too quick to trust the wrong men, the way I did. I've desperately been trying to find a way to make the physical aftermath of this incident disappear (by having all cyber evidence obliterated as it still triggers anxiety in me), but google has not obliged, and so to this day there is defamatory content written about me and impersonation of me for anyone to see if they care enough to look for it, which in certain incidents they have and so it's come back to haunt me that way. For whatever reasons (a story far too long to tell here that I am working on explaining in detail in a book that I hope to one day publish) I became romantically involved with a man who I met on the internet. The romance was not extensive but it was there, we talked on the phone occasionally, he was very flirtatious and charismatic, he had extensive websites of a spiritual nature and a large following, and I felt that I was safe to trust him, although in retrospect I can look back and see that there was a manipulation happening from the very beginning that kept me hooked in an unhealthy way as I wanted to believe that love could conquer all, or whatever else we tell ourselves when we are prone to being victim of harmful relationships due to a lack of self confidence. Over time I trusted this man with personal photos of myself that I did not think anybody else would ever see, and the results of this were devastating. It's very obvious to me now that the person I was dealing with is actually very unbalanced and potentially incredibly dangerous to anyone who might try to get close to him. For reasons that I still do not fully understand, he created websites about me; our common ground was of a spiritual nature, or so I thought, but anything that I talked to him about on this subject turned into him accusing me of all kinds of things; o lying, of being a "groupy" just making things up to get close to him, of being a satanist who practices black magick, and that I did pornography, just to name a few. The kicker here is that he did not just accuse me of these things, he wrote about them extensively in public articles that he posted on his websites, using my full name so that these websites would come up in web searches when anyone googled my name. He impersonated me, posting comments to these articles making it look like I was the one posting them when it was actually him, and he made websites exclusively about me, posting the photos I had sent him along side my home address and place of employment. When I begged him to take them down he accused me of stalking him and made more websites about me titled; "XXX female stalker alert" and posted contracts saying that I owed him ridiculous sums of money for the creation of these sites and that until I paid him they would not be taken down. My parents wanted to show friends some of my artwork and googled my name to find this. I don't know if telling it here can even convey the devastation that that brought to me and my family. When this man phoned my workplace in an attempt to get me fired I had enough on him to take to the police and he was given a warning for harassment and the creating of the websites stopped as did all contact between us. I wrote in complaints to Google and they removed the content that displayed photos of me or my home address, but after many attempts they still will not remove it all, even though it is clearly cyber bullying and defamation of character, as well as exploitation as there are still viewable "contracts" stating that I need to pay money after a long list of insults and name calling. I have been shocked and completely disappointed in google, but like I said, perhaps this is what is calling me to tell my story so that others can avoid the same mistakes. I know in my heart of hearts that what I experienced is not even close to the exploitation and abuse that women all over the world endure just for the mistake of hoping for love in the wrong places. I hope this can be a message to women and girls and anybody really, that you can never be too careful in who you trust, especially over the internet. I've been in other challenging situations with men in "real life" where there has been an abuse dynamic which I've dealt with, but somehow on the internet it's different in a really creepy feeling kind of way. In the wrong hands, information that you share can be twisted and manipulated and left there to haunt you, with little to zero support from internet servers or the law. It lurks after you... it never goes away. If anyone reading this has any kind of dynamic in their life that has them drawn to a person or situation that is hurtful or abusive, especially if there is a dynamic of bullying; PLEASE talk to somebody about it right away who you know you can trust instead of being like me and trying to deal with it all on your own while instead it continues to go rapidly sideways... and find ways to love yourself more. I think for me this is also a teaching to continue to get up and get out and get something, no matter what anybody else says about me or does to me; at the end of the day only I decide who I Am. I think when we're strong in that, none of the rest of it can bring us down so much anymore. WoW! I haven't blogged in a while, used to do it all the time, not sure where even to begin. I have chosen the topic of DISCIPLINE as it's what I was thinking about, and also, as I am committing myself to writing this blog, discipline on my part is required to GET ER DONE!! (That's redneck cowgirl talk BTW ;) )
It seems the lines of discipline have become blurred over the years, with the rapid take over of technology as far as how children entertain themselves, parents seem to have found a way to minimize the level of discipline they need to give a child as it is easy to hand over an i pad to keep the child occupied. The technology side of it is not really my intended focus, however, what I have been thinking about more is the difference between discipline and punishment and how anger can get very caught up in the definition of these when it's actually a very dangerous place for anger to reside. I wonder if the difference between discipline and punishment could be that discipline seeks a result by instilling love, and punishment seeks a result by instilling fear. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that it does not necessarily need to be that they fall into these two categories, but that they have the potential to. I have learned a lot about discipline by working with animals, mainly horses. It is possible to teach a horse using methods of instilling fear through punishment in order to discipline. Animals are especially sensitive to our emotional states so anger can be a powerful tool here. But who wants an animal to do what they're asking it to do because it's afraid? I have discovered that implementing discipline can take the form of loving actions of guidance so that the animal actually wants to do what you're asking, it wants to please, it wants to love and be loved. And so I have studied techniques for training which implement positive reinforcement in order to teach an animal to do what I want because the animal desires to do so as an active participant in our activity, and rewards are given rather than punishments. With this approach most focus needs to be placed on the positive so that rewards can be given accordingly as positive results escalate. Patience and attention is required when the animal does something other than what we have asked it to, because in that moment we need to correct that action, as many times as it takes, not angrily but calmly and lovingly, until the right action is taken and so the reward is given. I have discovered that dealing with animals this way has been the difference between having an animal that does what I want it to, and having a best friend as well as an animal that does what I want it to. I think the same potential is available when disciplining children. Research could be done to know how to discipline children effectively so that we can follow through with those guidelines and teach it as a practise, rather than something that needs to be executed in the heat of the moment while emotions are running high. I think knowledge is the key; to study and know what works so that we have the tools to stay in a balanced and peaceful state of mind. With so much spiritual propaganda these days I think it's easy for people to get confused in what is right and wrong, as we're being told to accept ourselves and forgive ourselves, which can be translated into thinking that we've been given a free ticket of entitlement to act however we want to with little concern for the results of our actions or how they're affecting others. To me accepting myself means acknowledging all parts of myself and bringing love to those places that are in darkness; forgiving myself means leaving the past behind and learning from my mistakes. Imagine what the world could be if as adults we developed the strength and peace of mind to discipline our children this way; to create the next generation of people who have been raised to act in respect out of love rather than fear. Our cycle of abuse has exploded to encompass a world of war by trying to force others to do what we want them to do because they are afraid. I think all of us could think of one area where we have a tendency to lose our temper because of the actions of another person, and make a point of focusing that energy towards giving rewards to actions in that area that are loving, by stopping when we feel angered and asking ourselves; "what would love do here?" Peace starts within. In a world where we often feel pushed to take a stand and get our way and show our children how to do things, I think it's about time we learn to take that stand peacefully, with love and respect, opening the space for everybody to grow and learn. |
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AuthorJanette Sarah Anne |