What am I doing this for?

Sunday, June 10, 2018
As an entrepreneur I live with an almost constant nagging of feeling the need to get more done.  I've spent the last couple of years investing a lot into my art and my business; investing time, money, learning, risks; following every opportunity whatever the cost, trusting that somehow it will come back to me.
Sometimes, with the natural ups and downs of feelings and life, I sometimes wonder if I'm not suffocating myself with deadlines and expectations with no return on my investments in sight, and I find myself asking; "what did I do all this for?"; the challenges that I've had to bust through to continue as the free flowing art form that I Am...
...and every time, the answer to that question brings the downward spiralling thought forms to a screeching halt as the beaming truth of my heart's calling gently lingers; touches it's fingers, in an ever presence that has shaped my life and guided my choices; for me, my horse, Padre.
And in that moment I realize that in my doubt and anxiety, there's only one thing to do; put on my riding gear, tack up, and head for the hills.
We have, in this society, so much pressure to do, to be, to acquire... it's so easy to get caught up in all of it and forget the reasons why.
Today I rode my horse, Padre, and our (mine and Padre's) other horse, Shiro, came along beside us on her rope, and my dog Cloverbelle, too.
We rode across fields and up mountains and through sage, until we reached the rolling meadows and wildflower valley where Indian horses run free.  
Today I felt that freedom in our strides as we galloped in sync to the hill top, emerging into the sky beyond, overlooking the town, clouds of silver mist washed over the view in front of us, we stopped to take it all in, and then we continued on; Padre's hoof beats resounding beneath me, Shiro kicking her feet, throwing her head back and running beside me, the wind in my hair and cape, the silver glow of the sky on my face.  
I thought to myself that this moment, this feeling, that's what I'm doing it all for, and so long as I can keep these moments close, I will always know my purpose, and I will always find accessible It's infinite inner drive.
So, what are you doing all of it for?
Don't get caught up.  Don't forget.
For most of us, we work for something that we already have; the parts of us that we cherish the most, that we don't want to lose.  Keep them close and the rest will follow.  Just like this blog that I've been putting off writing for months; I thought I had writer's block, but the truth is, I forgot what I was doing it for.  I needed only to refuel my heart and my soul.
Descending the mountain, across the fields, through the sun it started to rain, I looked back over my shoulder to the path from where we came; and behold a perfect rainbow, winking it's eye, whispering my name.